Leeks

Good Monday to you.

  I have renegade leeks, confirmed today, in the grey Oregon afternoon.

Somehow they moved from my garden to my front yard.  I have been watching them grow and grow each day for the last 4 months.  I could have sworn they were giant allium, but when they passed 5 ft in height... nope.  It has been a practice for me, leave the house, look at the volunteers, ask self "what are those?", and then be content to wait to see. 

I am practicing my scientific mind.  I am curious.  I am being patient, waiting calmly. I have finally learned what being patient means, really learned. 

And I practice being patient.  I am practicing being patient with me, with my family, with our life, and with these leeks.  

Today they burst open.  They are glorious.

 And each different and unexpected.

I had no expectation for what they would look like, I had just been noticing them as I journey through my days.  It is a good practice for me, patience, compassion, being curious. 

Amazing things happen, in their own time, every day. We just don't know what exactly they will look like.  It's good.  They are beautiful, I will see what they look like tomorrow.

JMB

Moving in to the life that you want...

The sun has arrived in Oregon!! It is a bit early and it probably won't last much longer (we'll see it again around Independence Day) but it is here now and I feel it's catalytic magic.  I've talked about it before, but I am moving in to a new time, a new scenario, a new path.  Finally, I feel like the steps I am taking are more firm and pointed in more of a direction-- I am more comfortable now that the path is going up and down hills and valleys to a better place that I do not know... but I do know that the path is there.  And it is populated with kind folk and so much beauty.

 

Things setting that path before me are some of the old standards... sewing,  quilting, photography, gardening, and my dear sweet children.

 

New endeavours are powering me down the path too... My first bag project is coming out this month (Stitch with Style) and it has LEATHER!  I am immersing myself more in the design process and printmaking (woodblock printing totally makes you feel like a badass) (knives!!) I am also remembering to breathe.  Lots and lots of breathing going on around here... oxygen = clear head (or clearer.)

I read something last week on elephant journal via Facebook-- because, don't you just find EVERYTHING deep on FB these days? ;)  It talked about moving from a "positive attitude" into "well-being".  My "take home" message was (and is) our place of "well-being" is grounded not just in smiling and being happy or content but in the truth of the human struggle that always accompanies us.  With this struggle is the truth that we are not alone and the world full of kindness and beauty-- but there is an element of reaching out that needs to happen.  For me, I am reaching, well-being is happening (although is it kind of mysterious), and I hope, for you too.

JMB

Be True

"Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."

Henry David Thoreau

:)

Happy today to have so many good friends and to have so much work to do.

JMB

Be Good

 

 "A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind."

 Richard Dehmel (1863-1920)

 Poet, Playwright

It is so true-- I keep trying to add more, but really, why?

:)

Be Good 

JMB

 

PNCA workshop with Lizzy House!

Can I say now that I went to Art School?? It was only for a long weekend, but I did... I went to Art School, to learn about some art, to DO some ART.
I don't know what I was expecting, what I wanted out of the time in Portland... Time to myself, away from motherly and daughterly responsibilities, a break from cancer, to hang out with my soon to be Pharmacist sister (Pharmasister?), to learn to silkscreen. Those were REALLY my expectations. What I received was VASTLY larger that these things. I don't really understand the magnitude of what happened in my brain, but I know that I am not the same person I was. There are still tears when I think of it, but I do know that I need to dream bigger.

To DREAM really, really BIG.

I have been trying for so many years to fit inside of this box-- it is reeel reeel cozy in here, I know all of the dimensions of it. I have decked it out very nicely with limits involving who I am, what I am capable of doing, and who I most definitely am NOT. It is comfortable but so very small.
My box is kept small because I can control that. I know that. I don't like to fail. That is so BAD. I don't like to get messy or to do things that I am not good at, and all this fits nicely in my little box.
So how to you get good at something unless you try it?

Like you have an ABSOLUTELY great time making something and it is total crap. What then? Is that failing? What you produced is U-G-L-Y-- like REALLY bad, BUT the process was enchanting? What is to be done with that? Did you waste your time? Is that failure?
What if the next morning, you wake up and you find that you are thinking in new ways, getting new ideas... feeling REALLY jazzed about the opportunity to make something that is NOT going to be perfect? What then?
You can just decide to stop thinking about the end product and begin to really get in to the "ride"... how ever long this crazy ride is going to last, what if you just go?
I did, I do, and I am...
I am here, at home-- there are LOT'S of home-y things that I have to take care of here (like really A LOT.) But in my head, I am still there. The ride hasn't ended. I still can see the possibility that is available to me if I just stop trying to see the end product.
If I can just keep the voice of fear at bay-- the voice that has haunted me my whole life saying "keep it small Jessica, think about what the effort is going to merit in the end. Are the rewards going to outweigh the energy output? What if you try as hard as you can and you just fail, like it is all for nothing?"
"What if you just FAIL and it is all for NOTHING?"
What I understand now is that I have found my self, who I really am, in the PROCESS,
and no matter what my end product is, if the ink smudges, if the fabric rips, if I have to tear out the seams, if nobody wants to read what I have to write...
That is just OK with me. I still am where I need to be at this moment because I am doing the learning/designing/growing/making that I need to do. There is no fear for me in that. I am dreaming bigger.

I do want to thank Lizzy for the great experience, I have never spent 3 days in a row on ART before. It blew my mind. She is so open with her knowledge and is a great teacher. You all need to learn what she has to teach, I'm tellin' you!

JMB