Sunday, March 15, 2009

Resting, working, thinking...a lot...

Hi,
I have missed you.  I have missed me.  I have been thinking a lot.  Big picture ideas, little picture notions.  What is going on, what will be, what I have control over, what I don't.  Then....what to make of that.

My friend Beth made it out of surgery well, but not as expected.  They opened her up to take out the large tumor and found several small tumors in the connective tissue.  It did not go according to the original plan, a new one has to be made...  What will be now?  This is the scary part to me, the unknown, the uncontrollable.  I felt really numb and sad for a while.  I still feel sad.   BUT, she is still here with us.  This is cause for joy, despite the unknown.  

We all are here just for as long as we are.  There are no contracts on that.  We have the time that we have and during that time we need to LIVE.  We need to appreciate each other and the work of our bodies, to do what we can to leave the earth better because of our lives LIVED here.

In a round about way all of this thinking and dealing has really made my word this year fit.  My word is Welcome.  For me it is about me being inviting in my heart to all the things I am going to learn this year, all the things that I am going to experience this year, all of the change that inevitably will happen.  I did not know when I picked my word that it was going to effect me so profoundly, but it is really helping me to see the journey that I am on.  I don't know if I really have ever thought that a life as a journey, as silly as that may seem.  For some reason I have always thought that it was more a series of discrete chapters.  I have always thought of things ending and beginning.  It does not seem so black and white to me now.  I am seeing that there is a flow to things, one event running in to another, and flowing back to a happening in the past that suddenly makes sense. Going on and on...  the lives of your children carrying you further and then back to your own parents.

Yes, it has been a week of much thinking.

The thing that strikes me as totally absurd and also totally obvious, is that while I have been having these Jack Handey-esque "Deep Thoughts", my boys have been marching on in their own growth.  In the past week my youngest has decided to be potty trained and my oldest is venturing ever forward in his pursuit of language and reading.  I think that all moms must go through this from time to time....as you, yourself seem to be growing and expanding, the little ones around you are showing you how it is done with far more grace and acceptance than you can muster yourself.  Wow.... and wow.

I have a bunch of exciting quilting, sewing ideas (you are going to sew your own clothes you say?), and I want to share about a sabbatical I am going to be taking this summer... but I think that has to brew for a few more days.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and heart felt prayers, I feel blessed by them and Beth will too.
JMB

7 comments:

connie said...

I am glad to hear Beth is still with you. I hope the new plan is good for her... I have to agree with you on the jobs of our children. Sometimes no thanks to us. They are amazing aren't they. Mine are 18 and 22 and they still affect me in many ways. When my kids were small their cousin passed away and our daughter who was about 6 at the time looked at all of us and said do not be sad Ryan is now able to play with Popeye again. Popeye was our pet dog that had passed a year earlier. She provided us with a picture that helped us. Just hold tight.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, My prayers are with you and Beth...

Lily Boot said...

Dear Jessica, I'm so sorry to hear that Beth has been given more obstacles to overcome but I hope that all the love you share with her, helps her to use that strength and lust for life it sounds like she has, to create that new plan and do good. My aunt and I made a quilt last year for a very dear friend who had secondary tumours from breast cancer. It gave her immense joy and pleasure and was something we were able to do for her to express love and life - it is sometimes difficult to help in a practical sense when they are far away and really, in the hands of so many other very capable and experienced people - so I hope you are still stitching! :-) and get that quilt to Beth - I know it will bring comfort. Especially one of your quilts - they are so full of energy and joy. My prayers are with you and Beth and her family.

Katy said...

I am sorry to hear Beth's surgery wasn't as simple as hoped. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her, and her family. Keep strong, wrap her in that beautiful quilt and let her know she isn't alone in all of this.

(I missed you too, by the way x)

Lazy Gal Tonya said...

I'm sorry about Beth. I hope you are doing well, while you are doing all this reflecting. take care.

Nanci said...

Well considering all that is going on in your life, it's a wonder you can plan let alone think of anything! Hope your friend comes through ok. We are family here in the quilting world and we share our joys and sorrows and hopes!

linda said...

Happy thoughts are headed your way, as well as prayers.

Sarah said...

hugs. lots of hugs and prayers.