Birthday XXXIII...

My first birthday cakes that I have made for me...

I have made others for others, but this year it seemed right for me to make my own cake with my most favorite 4 year-old. He thought that 2 round cakes would be the best. And yes, those are the two round cakes with "3's" made out of raisins. I think that we purged all of the technicolor sprinkles with our last ant invasion, so I decorated with the humble raisin. I have to say that chilled, the raisin is a lovely accompaniment to cream cheese frosting and carrot cake. My kids love them and I have to hold them in higher esteem because they really came through for me this year.

I thought a lot about how I wanted to celebrate my birthday this year. I had a small party last night (not my real birthday) so that I could go to my Quilter's guild meeting tonight. I really wanted to share the quilt that I am making for another special October birthday. I want to keep up my sewing momentum and enjoy a creative start to my 33rd year.

My thirties are really shaping up to be different than those twenties were. I do feel like I am looking older, and a bit mom-ish, but I am a mom. So that is ok. My twenties I feel, I spent living some sort of "idea" of a life. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, so I thought that is I just kept on some kind of productive path that eventually I would become "happy".

Well, productive is good and all, but it doesn't bring a contented or satisfied feeling. I don't feel like I am totally there yet, but there are somethings that I have learned about who I am:

1)I am a tall woman, not averaged sized or petite AT ALL. I have struggled with my self image for a long time. I appreciate my body now for giving me mobility, life, and 2 wonderful boys. This is the body that I have and I need to honor it in my actions and thoughts.

2)I am creative and I need to be creative everyday. I need to "craft-sanity", because when I don't, I get stuck in other areas of my life. My creativity does not need to be relegated to my craft room, it needs to be in everything that I do.

3)I need to do things that are uncomfortable and "scary" to me. I was thinking today that the "scariest" thing that I did in college was apply to do a term of school at a marine biology station. I didn't know anyone who was going and really didn't know what it was going to be like--SO SCARY. Today, my closest friends are women that I met there and I feel so lucky to know them. To think of the last decade without them... don't want to. So here is to doing some scary things this year.

This year I also want to take pictures if myself with the people that I love... I have left myself out of years of pictures with people because I didn't like the way that I looked...

Utter silliness on my part.

So to start off...the most instrumental person on my first birthday...

My mom...
And the person who has made the last 14 birthdays so nice...

My Husband...

Happy Birthday to me!

JMB

New pictures, new fence, new gloves...

SUNSHINE!

They were just so cute in their orange shirts and their work-boots and new gloves. The gloving process was a long one. The eldest trying to help his little brother, the little brother looking at the too-big gloves and saying "Here...HERE!"

The issue resolved when the eldest handed me the glove and went off to find his tool box. The little brother decided that one glove was just fine with him.

They love to work with their Dad in the yard.

In the background is our new fence...it rocks, no holes and the boards are ALL ATTACHED.
LOVE IT!

I have to close with one of the few pictures I have been able to take of my little one sleeping. It seems like I have so many of his brother. It is true that he doesn't sleep nearly as much as his older brother did, but I think that it is only because it seems like there is so much interesting stuff going on all the time. To me it seems like dishes and laundry but to him it is the joy of helping and being a "big boy".

Perspective, isn't it?
There's a thought.

JMB

I can't help it, it is a birthday month...

Now the secret is really out...

I have been cutting some of my secret favorite pieces of fabric...the ones that I get out every year or so, refold and mutter "Precious, my precious..."

Maybe that is the secret, or maybe the secret is my most precious are cowgirl and horse fabrics...yikes, I think that I feel more exposed now than when I first posted one of my self-portraits.

So, there it is...before God and all of the internet. I am actually not so cool and into super mod prints (well, I really like those too.) BUT I LIKE HORSE FABRIC!

Now that I have come clean, I feel good. I feel really free about these smaller projects I have been making this week. I feel really jazzed.

Maybe the cowgirl/horse fabric is not so "me" now. Thinking more about it, working with it is allowing me to indulge the eleven year-old girl, that I was, that misses her horses. I miss spending the afternoon brushing and decorating my horse for a pretend horse show with my brother. What a great use of a Saturday...

It feels like "extra".
It feels creative.
It feels real, real good.

JMB

I've been a-workin...

I have reclaimed my craft room, it has been swept, "arranged", and is ready for some craftsanity (it works for me too)! I have decided to open it up to the boys and WOW, has that ever been good for MY creative process... My eldest and I have had TWO "crafternoon" dates. (my words, not his, but he likes that I am sharing my space and sharing my stuff.)

We put together this GREAT dragonfly, he picked out the colors and cut the eyes and I just sewed it together. I don't know which of us was happier.

He had to stop for a costume change and a reading break...

After his brother woke up they played so nicely in the living room. Then it sounded like they had a bit too much fun...

and they were...
You know, getting my camera out and taking turns snapping pictures and laughing.

I am not sure if I have admitted it yet, but this is my third digital camera in 3 years...I can't have this one break for at least a few months, or I will never hear the end of it.

Finally, a picture of the last of the squashes. I usually wait for them to get a bit bigger, but who knows when the plants will get all slimy. These little guys were very good and I think that I look like I am a giant...
oooo, scary.

JMB

PS

The piece at the top is my first machine sewing quilt project in about 6 months. I usually make a pattern and then agonize over every cut into my fabric. This time I was emboldened by super quilter Tonya and I cut and cut and cut...the cowgirl fabric I have been holding on to for about 5 years...I am excited about this new way of quilting and am excited to see what this becomes.

Small thought from Story Corps...

Episode 31: Life notes from a door man at the Plaza Hotel

From only my own memory:

'My father told me to be such a Man and live such a Life, so that if everyone lived like me this,

would be God's Paradise.'

So, maybe not verbatim...but the thought is there. It spoke to me last night, driving home, after dropping my sister off at her dorm.

Hey, I want that to be me...

Not the man part, but I think that Woman fits nicely in there as well.

JMB

Scan this...

So, yes ANOTHER exciting day for me....

1) I saw this X-cellent comic. Some people may not read the funnies, but I consider them a essential part of my day. I like Bizarro, because it is weird and I like weird.

2) I used my scanner for the first time!! Woohoo! I thought that it was going to be really hard so I have put off figuring it out since last Christmas... Well, my nice husband told me that there is this "magical" button, called "SCAN" and you simply press it and Voila!!! A scan!

So, excited about the possibilities... which is why I asked for this in the first place...

3) I am getting back in to my mommy groove...the kids have been getting colds, the daddy has been traveling, the sister has gone off to college... It is not seeming too overwhelming any more.

4)There was a really great podcast the other day, the Creative Mom Podcast #63 about being gentle with yourself. You should check this one out. (and others too, she has great music, inspiration, ideas about crafting with kids, and just accepting that you, yourself are an artist)

5)Speaking of podcasts I LOVE, LOVED the interview that Jennifer A-H did with SouleMama the other day on CraftSanity. Listen to it...
That SouleMama is really inspiring and after listening to her story I am feeling a bit sheepish about being critical (no, I think it is really envy or jealousy)because she is such a WONDERFUL blogger/Mother/Human...

She was just really honest about how she views her blog, and how it is really just a snapshot of a day and how she chooses to focus on those wonderful moments and let the rushing and crabbing parts of the day be left off.

Here, I thought that she was in denial of those moments and was feeling grumpy about it. I do need to take myself down a notch every now and then... yes, I do...need to keep it real.

6) Getting the craft back on...finished a HIDEOUS (i.e. Lovely) pink scarf...just need to figure out how to make it uncurl...also started my Estonian autumny shawl/scarf, very excited.

7)Be back with more trip pics soon...

JMB

Html...gotta learn it... maybe

That last post nearly did me in...
so many pictures...
I tried to format in an interesting way, and then I had to try to tweek the code to get it to come out the right way.

FRUSTRATION

Maybe I should get a book or something...

Has anyone before me been so inclined?? any suggestions??

Maybe I will just stick to centered photos...
Maybe
JMB