Thursday, October 18, 2007

Birthday XXXIII...

My first birthday cakes that I have made for me...

I have made others for others, but this year it seemed right for me to make my own cake with my most favorite 4 year-old. He thought that 2 round cakes would be the best. And yes, those are the two round cakes with "3's" made out of raisins. I think that we purged all of the technicolor sprinkles with our last ant invasion, so I decorated with the humble raisin. I have to say that chilled, the raisin is a lovely accompaniment to cream cheese frosting and carrot cake. My kids love them and I have to hold them in higher esteem because they really came through for me this year.

I thought a lot about how I wanted to celebrate my birthday this year. I had a small party last night (not my real birthday) so that I could go to my Quilter's guild meeting tonight. I really wanted to share the quilt that I am making for another special October birthday. I want to keep up my sewing momentum and enjoy a creative start to my 33rd year.

My thirties are really shaping up to be different than those twenties were. I do feel like I am looking older, and a bit mom-ish, but I am a mom. So that is ok. My twenties I feel, I spent living some sort of "idea" of a life. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, so I thought that is I just kept on some kind of productive path that eventually I would become "happy".

Well, productive is good and all, but it doesn't bring a contented or satisfied feeling. I don't feel like I am totally there yet, but there are somethings that I have learned about who I am:

1)I am a tall woman, not averaged sized or petite AT ALL. I have struggled with my self image for a long time. I appreciate my body now for giving me mobility, life, and 2 wonderful boys. This is the body that I have and I need to honor it in my actions and thoughts.

2)I am creative and I need to be creative everyday. I need to "craft-sanity", because when I don't, I get stuck in other areas of my life. My creativity does not need to be relegated to my craft room, it needs to be in everything that I do.

3)I need to do things that are uncomfortable and "scary" to me. I was thinking today that the "scariest" thing that I did in college was apply to do a term of school at a marine biology station. I didn't know anyone who was going and really didn't know what it was going to be like--SO SCARY. Today, my closest friends are women that I met there and I feel so lucky to know them. To think of the last decade without them... don't want to. So here is to doing some scary things this year.

This year I also want to take pictures if myself with the people that I love... I have left myself out of years of pictures with people because I didn't like the way that I looked...

Utter silliness on my part.

So to start off...the most instrumental person on my first birthday...

My mom...
And the person who has made the last 14 birthdays so nice...

My Husband...
Happy Birthday to me!
JMB

3 comments:

TALLERTHANU said...

Happy Birthday!!! You are so adorable...seeing your smiling face takes me back! Thanks for being such a great example!

Diane said...

Wow, 33 seems so...YOUNG! I wish you the very best on your special day. Love the photos (I'm not in any of our family pics either).

Yaz and Rob said...

Love you and so glad I was around for your 31, 32 and now 33. I love your 30's realizations. I can't wait to see all that you experience this year!