Saturday, January 20, 2007

Complete-ness


About my word..... COMPLETE

I have forgotten it a few times this week. I think it was due to the fact that it is written HUGE right by my computer, but no where else in the house. So, this week, since Oldest Child thinks that going "nap-less" is very "in" this year, I have not been looking at my word, nor meditating on my word.

BUT, after I was prompted, I found this quote that I liked:

Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.

Dr. Wayne Dyer

(side note: I am going to look up this Dyer dude to make sure he is not some sort of psycho.)

This is something that I really need to learn in my heart...not just in my head, because I think that it is already there. That I am a complete and whole person, not an apprentice. I think it is all to easy to think that about yourself, you know "I can do something different, what I really want....next year."

This is a lie, I don't know when I even first started believing it. I may have told it to myself to just try to get through uncomfortable times, dangerous, numbing. Eventually, it just becomes a way of "living". "Living" meaning that you are getting by, you look really good, you can say the right things, but you are really small inside, you are scared, you are living a small life. Not risking joy, because you are afraid of failure....and you don't even really look at what failure is, but it is what you are living when you are living the life of an apprentice person.

And now I have found that I am not "on the way to someplace else" I am here, where I want to be. I need to get living.

So, I am off to risk some joy....
See you soon!

JMB


4 comments:

TALLERTHANU said...

TEARS!!! I rarely read something that speaks so directly to my heart! I often feel like a pretender, I can say what I am supposed to say and do what I am supposed to do but I never believe it. I want to know what it is like to be in a place in my career where I know this is where I am supposed to be...

jmbmommy said...

I just think that it takes A LOT of time. I actually think that the "faking it" part is so in-grained in our culture that some people never realize why it is they don't feel happy or fulfilled. I think that the solution is part spiritual and part being really honest with yourself (maybe that is the same thing eh?)....even if initially you don't like what you find out because it is hard or 180 degrees from what you are doing right now.

Then I think...since I am such a planner....make a plan to get to that place, and when you get off the track (IT HAPPENS!) look back at your plan and think about whether it needs a fine tuning.

Also, we are never done with our lives until we are gone.... which kind of give us a free card to start all over if we need to.

Enjoy your new marriage, it is so wonderful to start a life together with someone, but also hard because everything is new and different. (At least it was for me!)

emilyruth said...

wow
that makes me want to rethink
my word for the year:
candy.

:)

you are not just complete
you are marvelous!
love you...

Yaz and Rob said...

I am so behinD! jUST CAME TO CHECK IN ON you and there is so writing to catch up on. Yeah! Just risk it, life is worth it. And what is the worst that could happen, one could fail. I think we have all done that before.

Lots of love!