Friday, December 10, 2010

It is dark right now... but I feel I need the catharsis.

I had something beautiful to share today, because there is so much that is beautiful in this world of ours. That will have to wait for another day, I just really have to get something off my chest.

Dear Cancer,
I really hate you. You are a mutant, creepy and disgusting. I am sick and tired of you making people around me sick. My friend Beth is saying good bye to her family because you just couldn't leave her alone. When I think of the hole that is going to be in this world when she dies it just makes me weep. She will be free of this earthly body AND YOU, but we all will miss her so much. Her grandchildren will never feel her hug or get to go to the Country Faire with her in the summer. That is WRONG. I will miss her silly face that she makes when the "B.S." in the conversation gets a little too thick, her style, and her kindness. AND YOU?! Cancer, you are one rotten piece of crap!!

I am so very pissed that you now have chosen to inhabit my mother's breast and lymph nodes... I am very upset about it. I am angry that we can't just cut you out and throw you away, but that she now has to poison her body to try and kill you. I am so very pissed that I am going to have to explain this to my children, answer their questions the best that I can, but also to say that I DON'T KNOW what is going to be, how long you will stay.

Your timing sucks. Sometimes, I think that if I just had to say good bye to Beth right now, I could deal with that. But having to say "hello" to you, right now, and having some idea that, for the very least you are going to be around for a while... well, you are not welcome here, not at all, I hate you. Stay the hell away from my body.

JMB

8 comments:

connie said...

So Sorry!!! Thinking of you and your family.

Kelly said...

Cancer sucks! Hug your kids and smell their hair, it always makes me feel better. kelly

Serena said...

definitely sucks!!

we have a family friend going through surgery/ post surgery process right now.

much love to you.

emily ruth said...

i love you, my friend...
love your honest angry words...

i could have used some more swear words though...
if you need to yell some really bad ones
give me a call...
big hugs to you!

ps you heading to the wrong school this afternoon
makes much sense now...
your brain was a million miles away <3

Tonya Ricucci said...

oh sweetie. big hug from me. I certainly hear ya though. best wishes to your mom. boooo cancer.

Kristin Shields said...

Oh Jessica! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I could write the very same letter. Being a two time cancer survivor, my greatest wish is to eradicate cancer from the entire earth. Many hugs to you.

yasmiene said...

Sending hugs!

Rebecca K. said...

well said. May need to read again to cry more. Having a hard time trying to find balance between happy life and sad life.