hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho

We had some family time...a great little hike, led by our lead boy! I can't believe they are so big, that there were times we weren't carrying either of them. I never thought that I would see the day.

Happy times?

I think that the pictures speak for themselves... I really don't remember any screaming.

JMB

In a state of confliction, 3 cheers...

Access to my creative outlet (my supplies and whatnot) has been somewhat limited the last few months. I am surprised at how frustrating that is, I think because I felt like I made a commitment to my creative self to create more and now it is just....limited.

Limited...

Is it really?

Or are my "usual" avenues just the constricted ones?

Maybe I should investigate the "un-usual" ones...

I spent some time with a note book this past week. Me, a pen, some paper and a bit of time. It was hard at first, because I am always so focused on a finished product, that I sometimes discount or downplay the preparation or planning time for things. I just let myself write and "dirty" the pages with thoughts or ideas that may or may not have been fully formed. I felt so refreshed afterwards and now, I have something to refer to when my mommy-brain fuzziness returns and I can't remember that "great idea" I had when I have the time to explore it.

I did get to spend a glorious few days last week (ANNIVERSARY TRIP!) with my husband, sans bambinos, it was wonderful, and also awakening. I think that I realized in my core that we are no longer the people that we were 10 years ago. Maybe not the biggest revelation for others, but I still feel like I am teenager in many ways and so it surprised me to find myself so totally happy to be who I am now. (OK, maybe not in all the small ways, but the ways that actually matter, yes I am pretty great!)

I realized that, while it was nice for my husband and I to get away, after a day we both really ached for our kids. Not because they give us something to "bridge" our relationship now, but because they are such an integral part of the "us" now.

They are a new a great reason for me to look at my husband and feel so thankful that he is capable of fathering our children so amazingly. That in these two boys I can see that hope, change, and grace are possible. There is going to be a day when my boys will be ready to tackle things without my constant ministrations, but right now they are here with us and we are here with them and it is more right than I could have ever dreamed while I was growing up.

So,

Three Cheers for growing up!

Here's to change!

Here's to the Grace that helps you accept it all and yourself!

JMB

One decade later...

Love you dear Husband,
for better,
for worse,
for always.

We started our family 10 years ago today, it is more than I ever could have imagined.
More everything, especially more love.

Thank you for being a loving husband and a wonderful father. Maybe I wouldn't do the whole wedding over again, but I would marry you again in an instant.

JMB

no picture today....

I have been in no-woman's land...as in so sick that no woman would want to change places with me. To let me kvetch a bit....It is way worse to be ill in the height of summer than in the wintertime...hands down!

Looking outside, when you are well enough to stand...

Watching the weeds grow in the garden that you have been trying to breathe back to life...(I felt slightly better today due to some antibiotics, and attempted some weeding...bad idea,within two minutes, I was drenched in that sickly kind of sweat that you get all clammy from when your body really isn't doing it's whole "temperature regulation" thing)

(oh well, I am sure the bindweed will be waiting for me tomorrow, and Sunset isn't coming for their spread until early August...)

Trying to figure out how you can use your "sick" time...but wait when you are the mom, that is hard currency to come by...

A person kind of just has to fall over or something, then they notice what a martyr you truly are. Then your husband might do something sweet, like buy you Harry Potter #5, because you can't find your old copy...and you have to reread #5 and #6 before #7 comes out on Sunday...(those were the two that were published post birth of kids #1 & #2...need I say more? My memory is shot)

To turn around the grumping, I am so glad that I am rereading these books!!! I have become the joke around here this week because of all my exclamations of "Wow, I don't remember THAT happening..." and "NOW that makes so much more sense to me."

My recommendation is for people to read....I know that some people don't like the H.P. franchise, for whatever reason. But despite the illness thing, this week was palatable because I was able to get lost in another reality, a story, a great book.

I was just thinking... one of my other middle school friends, and now a blog friend recommends books on her blog, I could too.

A really good book that I just finished was Master Butcher's Singing Club by Louise Erdrich, I got lost in this one too.
JMB

More podcasts...

I just had to write another short entry on podcasts. My friend Emily turned me on to the Craftsanity podcast. LOVE IT, LOVE IT...

Then whilst I browsed for that one, I also found one called Annie Smith's Quilting Stash... This one is a bit folksier, but she is so enthusiastic, it is catching.

I listened to the most recent ones, where she interviews Susan Branch and they are a lot of fun. What really resonated in me was when Susan talked about the times in your life when you feel like you should be doing something creative. You know you want to create something, but you just don't know what and you kind of feel crappy about that.

Well, she called that time for her....the Foundation for Creation. I think that she talked about how it was her sub-conscious self was working out some of the kinks in a project before her conscious self could start it. I liked that. It gives me hope.

Right now, I am feeling a bit crappy about not being inspired. So, this morning I took out the applique stuff and decided just to bull through a project. I really want to master this new technique that I saw...and really is it going to get done if I am just brooding about it??

Onward and upward!

JMB

**note on quilt pictured above**

This my quilt guild's raffle quilt for this year. I think that it is just beautiful, it is king-sized and a hexagon-ish shape.

Virtual buoys...or buoies?

I am enjoying my first morning in a while...2 parents at home (no more business trips for a while), no one crying, typing by myself...enjoying a little space.

I was feeling a bit "naked" this week...I posted that one post about cycles and was worried that it was too raw...then I posted my quilt, which has become very personal and sort of an intimate expression for me. I have to say that I have been very uplifted by your comments the last few days, not so alone.

My friend Yaz, talked about kids and developmental leaps in her blog the other day, the really hard times followed by mastery of some new skill. WELL, does that go for moms too??

I am ready for my mastery part!!!

Actually, I think I am still cooking...but it could be something cool that comes of this...I think, yes.

JMB

What changed my mood....

If there is light in the soul,

There will be beauty in the person.

If there is beauty in the person,

There will be harmony in the house.

If there is harmony in the house,

There will be order in the nation.

If there is order in the nation,

There will be peace in the world.

Chinese Proverb

A nice woman left this for me in my comments and it really turned around that HOT HOT grumpiness in the previous post, thanks Diane!

This is my quilt, my one for my self....

I started it after having my first son's first birthday, after reading an article in Quilter's Newsletter (I think) about design and the Fibonacci sequence, (this is not the article, but kind of goes into what inspired me.) I decided to just wing it and I designed on some graph paper and before I thought about all those little pieces...I started it.

2 years later, having run out of the weird pinky-orange fabric 2 times (lessons learned) and getting ready to birth son #2...I finished piecing this. Now that boy#2 is over a year it seems appropriate to start again on this piece and follow it to a conclusion...maybe by next summer??

I have decided to add a border with this cool applique technique that I learned in Portland a few weeks ago at cool cottons . I will update when possible.... we'll see.

JMB

Feminine Cycles....ewwwww

Today I was just hot. Hot, temperature wise, and hot under the collar. Do you ever just get annoyed at perfectly nice people? I kept getting madder and madder about all the things that these "people" didn't do for me, couldn't they see me feeling so tired, taking care my two boys, while trying to politely listen to whatever it was they were saying.

I mean REALLY! SEE ME BEING TIRED....HELP ME!!!

Oh wait then I realized that I needed to ask for the help....grrrr.

Not my strong suit, this asking thing...Then I realized that I really just felt sad and that I missed these friends of mine.

It wasn't their fault, it isn't my fault....it is just the cycle of life that I am in right now. I am in the thick of being the mom to two little boys....number one priority right there. Number 2 is me getting to do some creative work. This is where I am, and it doesn't seem to be meshing with other things I might like to do.

Come and hang out with us, if you like. It is a loud, dirty, HILARIOUS place. If you need me this is where my brain is too...cause when I am in the middle of being with my children...the playing, reading to, cooking for, cleaning up after....that is the only place I can be, but there is always room for more.

JMB